Some Random Photos of Henry and Driveway Art

Henry as the Polar Express conductor:


I drew a robot for Henry in the driveway, the robot from a story a friend and I wrote way back in high school:


Ben saw the robot and thought he'd make a better one, but it's not original and therefore, inferior:


Henry and his fabulous cat:


We're a regular family of artists, huh?

A Busy Week, or I'm an Evil Sadistic Baby-mouth Burning Psychopath

I'm great at these blog titles, huh? It's true though, I did have a busy week; every day on the calendar was filled with some appointment or another. Also, I burned an innocent baby's mouth on Saturday. It wasn't my fault, really, but Ben wants me to feel guilty about it for some reason. I did feel bad, though. Just not guilty. I'll get to that in a minute because while that makes for a good story, I have to get through the boring stuff first, because while one purpose for this blog is amusing family and friends, it's also the only way that I actually journal my life. Pretty lame but it's all I'm willing to do at this point.

Anyway, Monday I scrubbed the heck out of my house and did a butt-load of laundry. Tuesday I volunteered at Henry's school, which involved wrapping Christmas gifts for the teachers, and then I helped out at the book fair. I specifically did this so I could help Henry find a couple of books, because let's face it, if left to his own devices he'd probably pick out something lame. So with Henry and two of his classmates in tow (it just happened to be the two kids we know from church) I directed the kids towards the cool book racks. The two other kids picked out stuff right away, in fact they both picked five books they wanted. I showed Henry the rack with Captain Underpants. He snatched one right up. The one with Professor Poopypants. He already has one at home given to us by Grandma Tilley, so he was stoked to see there were more of them. He picked two Captain Underpants books and he was done. Yeah, I know, instead of showing him some nice books I let him pick out the gross-out humor ones. You know what? I think it's awesome.

Wednesday I drove to the school to pick Henry up. I think it would've been quicker to walk there, but I knew Henry would be beat and besides that, we had friends coming over after school and I wanted to get him home as early as possible so he'd have more time with his friends. Having called the day previous, I was fairly certain I was following proper procedure.

Me: Hey, I'm picking up my kid from school tomorrow. I need to send a note to his teacher, right?

Office Person: That's right.

Me: Anything else?

Office Person: That's it.

So that's what I did. I got to school twenty minutes early and waited in the long line of cars waiting to pick up kids. It looked like it was going to take forever, but the wait wasn't so bad. After some dude came by the car and asked for my car pool number (?) and told me I was doing it wrong (I totally felt like Mr. Mom) I gave him Henry's name and he went to make sure Henry was sent to the right place. Then the walking kids came out and went ballistic as they ran their merry way home, and then the carpool kids came out. I was happy with the efficiency with which the carpool lane was moving along. It wasn't long before Henry was hopping into the car. The principal, however, felt the need to tell me I was doing it wrong. Not my fault, ask your brilliant office person about that helpful info, chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. I'll get right on that TPS cover sheet, too. When we got home Henry stuck a Captain Underpants book in my hands, we cracked the book and got two lines out and the doorbell rang. Then Henry and his pals had a fun time while I chatted with my friend. After they went home, Ben, Henry and I went out to buy Henry's game. He has been good at church and earned the requisite number of star stickers, so we stopped by the used game store, Henry picked out a Sonic game, then we went over to the Wal-mart so he could get a happy meal. Went home and read some Captain Underpants and helped Henry do his homework.

Thursday morning I had Primary planning meeting at the church (I'm no longer doing Cub Scouts, but working with Primary, which is Sunday school for the 3 to 11 year old kids). I can't remember what all I did that day. I think I crashed and took a nap that afternoon.

Friday was book club. I sent Henry off to school and baked some bread. We read Hunger Games, so I looked all through the attic for this cornucopia I knew I hucked in there a couple years ago, but alas, if it's in there, it's buried pretty good. Not finding that, I instead etched mockingjays on the top of the bread. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the book. One of the book clubbers dropped off her kids so she could make a doctor's appointment and I finished cleaning up while her angelic kids played quietly in Henry's room. Book club was fun, we ate bread; even though the mockingjays didn't show up too well, it still tasted pretty good. After Henry got home, we went out to pick out a birthday present for his friend and then with Ben we went out for some Baba Ganouj and then went to the church to attend a dance. Hispanic dances are fun, but slow to start because everybody arrives late. Henry was the first one on the dance floor, doing a full body interpretive dance to some Merengue. Ben and I are not dancers, so we sat out the dances that required rhythm and skill, and put in a few appearances for some slow dances so we wouldn't look like jerks. It was fun but we left early (nine) so Henry could get some sleep.

Saturday morning we dropped one of the cars off for an oil change. Then I went with Henry to his friend's birthday party. Ben was going to come and then decided he was going to slough it, but then changed his mind, and then hurt his back picking Henry up, so ended up staying at home. The party was fun. We got there early because I misread the invitation, but that was cool. There were a ton of boys and one girl. It was a Star Wars theme, and the kids had to be Jedis-in-training. Picture slightly-controlled chaos, five- to seven-year-olds training by exercising and playing "Anakin" Says, then a crazy free-for-all with giant balloon lightsabers. Tons of fun. Henry was sad to leave as always because Caleb is his "bestest friend in the world" and Hannah's pretty cool, too. After that we went home, picked up Ben and got the car back from the oil change place. After that I went to the store to pick up some stuff for this dinner thing we were going to. Then when I got home I discovered my cat has worms. That made my day. So I made some inquiries and hurried over to Petsmart to get some worm medicine. Then I came back and fixed some stuff for the dinner, hid the cat's food, and we went to the dinner.

The dinner was for Families Supporting Adoption, and it was at this dinner that I got blamed for burning a baby's mouth. It was because of the salsa I made. I made it like we usually make it, but I guess the arbol peppers were slightly more potent this time. Anyway, there was this little kid who loves salsa, who happened to sample the salsa before his mom did. Yeah, so the kid started bawling and I passed them a cup of juice while his mom was stuffing bread in his mouth. Poor little guy, even Henry said it was too spicy (he likes salsa, too-- a miracle, I know). But everyone else said it was good. Anyway, we had a good time and I unexpectedly got to see an old friend I haven't seen in over a decade. That was really cool.

Then when we got home I mixed some worm poison in the cat's special wet food and she went to town. Die, worms, die!!! (I'm trying not to puke as I write.)

And yes, we're looking into adoption. But that's another story.

Another Day

Henry's in the next room, in bed, supposed to be falling asleep. He's evidently singing himself a lullaby:

"Get your booty on the floor..."

Yesterday we had the missionaries over for dinner. It was a lot of fun, they ate my food and liked it (either that or they were really, really hungry) and gave us a nice gospel message. Then Ben entertained them by playing some Metallica and stuff on his guitar. I got a phone call just as they were leaving, but I noticed they both had their cameras out and were taking pictures of the slightly deteriorating pumpkin on the front porch. I went to see why. One of those huge North American Cockroaches (or Palmetto bug) was crawling right into Jack O'Lantern's moldy nose. Blecch. Yuck.

This is Jack as of ten minutes ago. I was hoping he'd hang on long enough to shoot this weekend, but I think it's dumpster time.


Today I did some more volunteer work at Henry's school. Mostly it was stuff for the upcoming book fair, and cutting out about a hundred circles out of card stock. Too bad the die cutter there didn't have a big enough circle. My thumb is still sore on that first knuckle from the scissors. Oh, well. I got to deliver some stuff to Henry's class. On the way down the hall a teacher exclaimed, "I thought you were one of the students."

That means I'm either way too short or that I look pretty dang good for my age (until you get too close, apparently). I think I'll go with the youthful angle.

Henry gave me a big hug and on the way back down the hall a little girl came by and said, "Hey, Henry's mom."

Man, those little kids, you just can't fool them.

Uncle Guzzle

A little while back Ben's Mee-maw retired from driving and instead of selling their old car, Pee-paw gave it to us. Some people name their cars, so if I could get anthropomorphic vibes off this car, I'd have to name it Uncle Guzzle. It's an older car, born about the time I graduated high school, a greenish-blue or bluish-green Buick Regal, is equipped with a flaky tape deck for my listening pleasure, the trunk's full of dead grass clippings from Pee-paw's million-and-one trips to the golf course, and yes, it sucks gas like there's no tomorrow. The car's only got forty three thousand miles on it for being so old, hence he's an uncle and not a grandpa. He drives okay except the shocks are a little bouncy, and the day before Pee-paw gave him to us, he accidentally clipped a concrete pole at a drive through window and knocked off the driver's side mirror, so that's taped on for now, and the front driver's side wheel rim is bent a little. And two days ago I found out the fuel gauge is off, the hard way.

Of course, the hard way. It's always got to be the hard way.

About two minutes from my house, just as I was reaching the midpoint of a four lane bridge over a highway, even though the fuel gauge said I was okay, Uncle secretly sucked his last drop of fuel and conked off, leaving me stranded. Luckily for me some construction guys were doing some surveying on the bridge and helped me get the car into the median. Since the fuel gauge was off, I had no idea what the problem was, so I got a lift home from my heroes in reflective orange vests and prepared to call a tow truck. Then on a whim I grabbed the gas can from the basement and walked back to see if Uncle was just thirsty.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people will not move over when they see someone stranded in the median of the road trying to pour gas into their car. Thanks, guys, for respecting my life enough to give twelve whole inches between me and two tons of steel flying by at forty-five miles an hour.

So I didn't die, and Uncle Guzzle had enough to get me to the gas station a quarter mile up the road.

Yes, I do look ridiculous driving a big green boat. But it was a free car. And free is free. I can't complain about free. But I would like to fix it up a little, put in a new stereo, some cool hydraulics, maybe put on a few flame decals. Ben probably won't let me. I mean, we're still driving it with the side mirror taped on.